I'll be live blogging the 82nd Academy Awards on the Telegraph site on Sunday -- or, rather, the small hours of Monday morning. You can follow the action on Sky Movies Premier from 1am.
This year's hosts are Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, who should make a reasonably entertaining combo. But please God let's hope they don't open the show with a "musical number". (Actually, a version of Brush Up Your Shakespeare from Kiss Me Kate could work.) Sacha Baron Cohen was due to do a sketch about Avatar with Ben Stiller -- "Is it because I is blue?" -- but that's now been shelved due to "creative differences". In the two most important categories -- Best Picture and Best Director -- it's a two-horse race between Avatar and The Hurt Locker, a competition enlivened by the fact that James Cameron and Kathryn Bigelow used to be married to each other. Could there be a lesson here for another Cameron about the dangers of being an early favourite to win?
The Oscars have been described as "the gay Super Bowl" and I'll be doing my best impersonation of a metrosexual on the night, commenting on shoes, frocks, hairdos, etc. I'll also be staying in constant touch with my most bitchy friends around the world via Twitter and repeating their best gags. I don't think there'll be any shortage of material.